


I Can't Fix You

by Taylorrandi94



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: 16x15 ending, M/M, WTF Nico, frustration at what has happened, it’s just sadness, poor levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23016958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taylorrandi94/pseuds/Taylorrandi94
Summary: We all saw the tragedy of 16x15 right? I couldn't leave Levi like that, letting Nico use him. No way. Rated Teen for language.
Relationships: Nico Kim/Levi Schmitt
Comments: 20
Kudos: 170





	1. Chapter 1

Levi sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It seemed like everything that _could_ go wrong, had. He threw his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the elevator to head down to the lobby.

He had been racking his brain since the _incident_ , trying to see if he could have seen this coming. He couldn't have. Nico seemed so _together_ , sure of himself and what he wanted in life, he had seemed so..so.. _confident_. He had asked him to come visit his family next Christmas for God's sake! Was he trying to humor him? Put him off the trail of what was really going on? He had said he loved him. Did he even mean it?

Levi would be the first to admit he had been weak last night. The idea of losing Nico or leaving him terrified Levi. Nico had made Levi who he was in a way. All the confidence Levi had acquired wouldn't be possible without the man he loved.

However, Levi sighed again and fought back his tears of frustration, as much as he did love Nico, it was time for Levi to love himself more. He had thought about it and thought about it and thought about it. He had honestly considered living the way Nico had suggested but too many things stood in the way and he hated that.

He stood in the lobby of the hospital, thought about leaving and putting this conversation on hold for another day but decides against it. He had already built himself up for this upcoming moment.

''Levi,'' Nico called out, making his way towards him. ''You wanna grab some dinner on the way to my place? We can watch _My Girl_ again?''

Levi closes his eyes for a moment before he turns towards the only man he's ever loved, ''Nope. I want to go home, not eat anything, and cry myself to sleep.''

''Why? What's wrong, baby?'' Nico asked, putting his hand on Levi's arm.

To Levi, it felt like a burn from a stove, instant and quick pain that won't go away.

''I am not going to try and change you. I am not going to give you any ultimatums. You and I want different things and it isn't right for either of us to continue to try and please the other. You don't want to come out to your family and believe me I _know_ how scary and worrying it is so I get it. You shouldn't come out until you feel absolutely sure and ready but you shouldn't have lied to me either. Did you think I wouldn't understand?''

''Levi, I-'' Nico tried to start but Levi interrupted him, ''And I'm not angry about that anymore. At first, I was furious. You made me out to be a _fool._ I feel like every moment of every day since that moment in the elevator, you've just been lying over and over. I feel manipulated but I understand how scared you must be in order to do that to me so I've forgiven that, however, you said what we are now is all you can give. I want more. I _need_ more and since you can't give it to me, our relationship must end.''

''Levi, don't do this. _Please_ ,'' Nico choked out.

''I'm not _doing_ anything. You and I want different things that we can't compromise on. There is no other way Nico don't you see? I love you. So much. You are my first love, and you are my first heartbreak,'' Levi felt his lips tremble as he leaned up and pressed a kiss to Nico's cheek. ''I'll see you at work tomorrow, Dr. Kim.''

Levi walked away and let his tears finally fall down his cheeks, leaving Nico behind.

Nico watched as the love of his life walked away from him. It felt like he was taking all the air in the room with him.

''Nico?'' He heard Link call from behind. ''Nico? You still here? I thought you and Schmitt would have already escaped together like you usually do.''

Nico fell to his knees and felt his whole body shaking with sobs.

* * *

Levi whimpered and sniffed up the snot threatening to come out after all the crying he had down.

It was for the best. He knew that but..why did it have to hurt so much?

He groaned when he heard a knock on his door.

Couldn't he fall apart in peace?

Levi froze when he heart a familiar voice come from the other side of the door.

''Levi? Levi, please. Just talk to me one more time. Please, baby!''

Call Levi weak if you wanted but he couldn't stand Nico sounding so desperate so he forced himself up out of bed and carefully opened his door, immediately feeling Nico wrap his arms around him.

''Levi, I didn't mean to make you feel so awful. I-I honestly didn't think we would get this far. I wasn't looking for all of this but you were so..perfect,'' Nico moved to look down at Levi.

''I appreciate that Nico but I told you back at the hospital that I had already forgiven you. You didn't have to come all the way down here for that,'' Levi attempted to smile.

''Why can't we be together then?'' Nico questioned.

''I told you, we want different things in life. I thought about whether or not I could be content with the way things are because at least I would know that you loved me but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there was no way I could. I'm not asking for a white picket fence, I could even live without having children together but think about it Nico, what's gonna happen if you pass away before me? I would go to your funeral as what? A friend? A coworker? What about marriage? And living together? Forget about it. Your family would want to visit and I'd have to go to some random hotel until they decide to leave. I can't live hiding who I am forever. Nico, I sincerely hope you find someone who wants what you want but that person isn't me,'' Levi explained.

''If I tell my parents about you will you be with me again? I'll tell them right now!'' Nico reached into his pocket for his phone but Levi stopped him.

'' _Nico_! You aren't ready for that or you would've already done it. You don't have to do that,'' Levi stressed.

''I don't want to be without you!'' Nico choked out.

Levi looked up at Nico, ''You said what we are now is all you can muster and if I wasn't satisfied with it then you would leave. You said that.''

''I know, I know I did but I didn't mean it. I was..baiting you. I knew you would hold me back,'' Nico looked at Levi with guilt on his face.

''You were manipulating me,'' Levi's lips trembled. "You are such a fucking hypocrite!''

''I know, I know but I realized that I can't live without you. When you left me in the hospital it felt like I couldn't breathe. I hated it,'' Nico whimpered.

''You think I felt any better when you told me you could just leave me and not look back? Like I was nothing to you?'' Levi cried out, pushing Nico away.

'' _I'm so sorry_! I'm a _fucking_ coward Levi! I wanted to able to keep you without having to tell my parents about me. I am an asshole and a coward. I always have been but..you make me want to be brave. If I have to tell my parents who I really am in order to have you by my side for the rest of my life, then I will. I want forever with you Levi,'' Nico confessed.

''You shouldn't do it for me. You should do it for yourself,'' Levi responded.

''Tell me what to do, baby. Tell me how to keep you,'' Nico pleaded.

Levi looked at Nico before letting out a deep breath,''You can give me some space. I need to think. I'll go to you if I want to talk.''

''I understand,'' Nico choked back before turning towards the door.

''Nico, do _not_ come out to your parents while we're apart. It will not affect my decision,'' Levi said.

Nico nodded, ''Got it...I love you.''

''I love you too,'' Levi replied.


	2. Chapter 2

''Nico? _Nico_? Nico!'' Link shouted after Nico had been ignoring his call for the past two minutes.

''Huh?'' Nico looked up.

Link followed his line of vision to Levi working with a patient. ''Dude.''

''What?'' Nico asked.

''He told you to just give him space and if you want him back, that's what you'll do,'' Link answered.

''I don't understand how this all happened,'' Nico groaned.

''You lied, toyed with him, and then tried to manipulate him into staying with you as just someone to share your bed with,'' Link reminded.

''I didn't mean to,'' Nico tried to defend. ''I just didn't know I would fall so in love with him.''

''Well now you do so suck it up and do as he says because as shitty as you were to him, I still think he's gonna give you a second chance,'' Link shrugged.

''Really? You think?'' Nico questioned.

''I do. He loves you more than you love him.''

* * *

Levi was standing at the entrance of the hospital when Nico walked out of the elevator and carefully walked over.

''Should I keep walking or..?'' Nico questioned.

''Last year, when you got back from visiting your parents for Christmas, you told me you wanted me to come with you next year, you didn't actually mean that, right?'' Levi asked.

''...No, I didn't,'' Nico answered.

''So then, why say it at all?'' Levi questioned.

''I..I don't know. I guess it was just in the moment but after I said it I thought it would never get to that point so I wasn't worried,'' Nico replied.

''You mean, you didn't think that _we_ would get to that point, right?'' Levi guessed.

Nico nodded. ''Yes.''

''That one day, when we were together in the on-call room and my mother called, why did you get so upset and leave because she didn't know about us? If you had no intention of telling your family, why did it matter if I told my mom?'' Levi wondered.

''I didn't want both of us to be in hiding, it would've just made things even more difficult and stressful,'' Nico explained.

Levi scoffed. ''So, you wanted _me_ to be the one to shoulder the 'coming out' responsibility?''

''Yes,'' Nico nodded.

''When you said you loved me, did you mean it?'' Levi asked.

''Yes,'' Nico immediately answered.

Levi nodded after a moment before turning away.

''Levi,'' Nico called out. ''I'm so sorry about all of this. I'll give you all the time and space you need to think but I just want you to know that I know how incredibly wrong I was.''

''Wrong? You tried to manipulate me in to being your personal whore. You knew exactly how I would feel when you said you would leave me but you just didn't care. You were willing to throw my feelings aside for your own cowardly and selfish reasons but I have feelings, Nico and I love with all my heart! Even if you don't,'' Levi retorted.

''I do love you, Levi! You are..I have never, _in my life_ , loved anyone as much as I love you. I admit I was selfish, arrogant, an asshole, and a complete _loser_ but I honestly mean it when I tell you how much you mean to me. I never wanted the white picket fence, marriage, or kids before, but if it means I get to be with you, then I want it all Levi. All of it,'' Nico confessed.

''Do _you_ want marriage and kids? Or is it just because I want them?'' Levi questioned.

''...I don't know. I never wanted them until now but I do know that when I imagine walking down the aisle, playing with our children, and spending the rest of my life with you, I like it,'' Nico admitted.

Levi turned away and left Nico standing there.

Nico sighed when he left Link place his hand on his shoulder. ''I don't know if I said the right thing.''

''Was it the truth?'' Link asked, Nico nodded. ''Then it wasn't wrong, no matter the outcome.''

''I miss him so much,'' Nico choked up.

''I know buddy,'' Link tried to comfort his friend.

* * *

Levi found a place to rest for a moment after completing his rounds.

He felt like since Nico was gone, so was his muse. It was ridiculous, he knew that. He had gone to medical school for crying out loud and now here he was, losing it over some idiot.

Levi patted his shoulders before rubbing the tired from his eyes. He looked up when he felt someone come up to him.

''Hello. You're Dr. Schmitt?'' An older Asian woman asked him.

He nodded. ''Yes ma'am. Can I help you?''

''I am Kim Sol Ri, Nico's mother,'' She smiled. ''May I sit?''

''O-Of course ma'am,'' Levi moved aside to give her more room. ''I'm not sure where Nico is right now.''

''He's in surgery. I just had lunch with him where he told me all about you,'' Nico's mother smiled.

''He told you..about me?'' Levi questioned.

Nico's mother nodded. ''He did. He said he was in love with the best person in the world and here you are. He also told me what he did. _All_ of what he did to you. I must apologize for my son's awful behavior.''

''No ma'am. You don't have to apologize for anything. He made those choices,'' Levi responded.

Nico's mother nodded. ''That he did but I can't really say I completely blame him. His father isn't a very flexible man.''

''You're worried?'' Levi sensed.

''I am and I'm sure if Nico hadn't fallen in love, he would've never told even me,'' She sighed.

''He and I..'' Levi found himself unable to finish.

''I know. He said you were quite hurt and angry and most likely wouldn't forgive him,'' She smiled.

''I'm sorry. I love him. I really do but..'' Levi grimaced.

''You don't have to apologize dear. I understand completely after everything he did. If you feel like you can't forgive him, it can't be helped,'' She shrugged.

''I am sure I _could_ forgive him. I _could_ forgive and forget but..I don't know if I _should_ is the problem. I..don't want him to think I'm weak. Isn't it funny? The one person I want to be strong for is..'' Levi stopped to push back his tears.

''Oh Levi, honey, love will always make even the strongest, weak. You just have to decide who you _want_ to be weak _with_ and I can't tell you if my son is that person for you. What I _can_ tell you is that since Nico was a child, whenever he got in trouble with one of us he would immediately do everything he could to make it up to us and he would never do it again,'' She hinted.

''You think I should forgive him?'' Levi assumed.

''That is completely up to you dear. You have to follow your heart and if your heart doesn't allow Nico back in, it can't be helped,'' She answered.

''My heart aches for him. I love him. My pride, my dignity, my _self-respect_ , that _he_ taught me to have, is what hinders me,'' Levi cried.

Nico's mother pulled him into her arms. ''Oh honey, pride, dignity, self-respect are important in a relationship but you can't let them become an obstacle to your happiness.''

''I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision,'' Levi whimpered.

Nico's mother began to rub circles on Levi's back. ''That's nothing new, dear. We're all always afraid we're making the wrong choices.''

''Do you think I'm just being stubborn and foolish?'' Levi questioned.

''No, I don't. My son behaved like an idiot. He was a complete selfish asshole, even I can't deny that, sweetie,'' Nico's mother shrugged with a smile causing Levi to chuckle. ''I should get going now but regardless of whether or not you choose to forgive my son, I'd like to see you again.''

Levi nodded. ''I'd like that as well, ma'am.''

''And as a favor to me, I would appreciate if you didn't tell Nico I came and talked to you,'' Nico's mother requested.

''Why?'' Levi asked.

''He specifically told me _not_ to make myself known to you. He said he didn't want you to think he was using _me_ to try to manipulate you,'' Nico's mother shrugged, grabbed her bag, and made her way to the elevator.

Levi watched her leave before leaning his head back and closing his eyes.


End file.
